If Only You Knew

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder,

And my heart has loved until it bled,

Waiting as every painful minute passes,

Till I have you in my arms again.

But you found yourself in new environments,

And I must admit to harbouring crippling fear…

That one day you would choose where your loyalties lie,

I just remained oblivious as the day drew near.

You would think it’d take more than a few months

To replace love and trust nurtured over many years,

But once again you proved me wrong,

When you decided that your allegiance lay with her.

I whispered a secret into your otherwise faithful lips

That would bind my words with blood;

You say you exercised better judgement,

But I think I’ve heard enough.

You didn’t even think to talk it through,

Tell me why you wanted to unleash

Confidence in lain in confidence,

A bond of trust, you decided to breach.

I told you so you may watch yourself,

And reconstruct your creed,

But it turns out I needed to watch myself…

Because innocence breeds naivety.

So I had to clean up the mess you made

By severing that cord of faith,

I brought back my walls of defences

And spun the tale my way.

So now you think it differently,

You think it be my folly,

When all I can think of is five days from now,

We were supposed to deck my halls with holly.

I have given you a perfect lie,

So live in your perfect world,

Where the ones you left behind

Are now the ones you want to hurt

Maybe one day you’ll know what I did

Maybe one day I’ll trust you enough

To tell you the story of selflessness

That finally crippled my heart.

Maybe you’ll thank me then?

Or hate me for lying all the while…

But whatever it is you decide to choose

I hope you know I was always on your side.

I have to admit it is a funny twist…

To a story I thought wouldn’t in tragedy;

I drove a dagger through my heart,

In my endeavour to keep you happy.

Flash forward to maybe ten years later:

When all the chaos has washed ashore,

And right around Christmas time,

I’ll leave a present at your door.

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